My life as a 20-something yr old with a muffin top, who lives in a foreign country and has a thing for hot nerds.

 Mission-pull a hot guy, this does not mean sleeping with him. It just means getting him interested in me. I can’t sleep with him, as much as i would want to. Which is as much as a fat kid wants to eat cake. I need to make sure he is interested in my ultra cool mind versus the fact that i have boobs and a vagina.

Rory will not win, i Will win this. Mostly because i do not want to shout him drinks in the australian bar when he comes to visit me in Germany. On that note, i’m not sure if it’s a gay guy thing or just a Rory thing,but why the hell does he want to come all the way to Germany to go to an australian bar.

Anyhow im cheating a little bit already, i made myself look as good as possible. I spend 30 mins attempting to straighten my hair-all i really did was tame it. And i managed to find a boho-chic looking out fit. I need all the help i can to pull a guy who “rivals brad pitt”.

I am going out with my friend Penny, as much as i love her i am slightly jealous of her. Her hair always looks effortless she easily does the sexy bedhair look. Penny also knows how to dress for cold weather. She pulls off the sophisticated hot office worker look.I just layer on all the warm clothes i have and end up looking kind of like a sausage roll with too much pastry. If you have never seen a sausage roll, it’s possibly the ugliest food item in the whole world.

We go to our favourite bar it’s called Haus73 in the sternchanze. (Anyone in Hamburg come check it out-buy us a drink)When we get there its pretty dead, which is sad. I ask the bar guy who just happens to look like that hot guy from supernatural in nerd  form. (i want to have his babies, but penny says he has googly eyes).Bar guy tells me most people are having christmas with their families. Of course they are.

Penny and i sit on a funky looking sofa, sip vodka orange and scan around the room.We both notice the football table. Pen has some genius idea’s on how to pull men. She suggests we play and laugh loudly and classy and speak english a little loudly as to look like cute tourists to attract men.

We played 2 games, but sadly the only guy we attracted was someone who looked like otto from the simpsons dressed as a hippy. He was drinking a chocolate milkshake and had his dog with him.I felt rejected when he declined the invitation to play with us.

I decide to order more drinks from cute bar guy. He doesn’t make any attempt to
talk to me (so much for the babies).
Penny and i sit back down on the funky looking sofa.
and BINGO.

2 hot looking, brad pitt rivals and their 2 not so good-looking friends are playing with the football table. Perfect ! In fact they are so hot looking and similar looking they could be twins. They both have big blue eyes the colour of the ocean in photographs. (i think it usually looks better in photo’s then in person) They have short blonde hair, and the one who takes my breath away has slightly red blushed cheeks it looks absolutely adorable. I just want to walk right up to him and kiss his face a million times, the way old people do to babies.
We watch them play and we laugh at them and smile at them. They must know we are trying to flirt.
Come on boys help us out. Penny notices them whispering at each other and tells me they must be talking
about us!

I had to wait for the perfect moment to make a move for hot brad pitt rival. He drops his glass. Yes, Penny yells out “taxi”. He looks strangely at us. I notice he didn’t say sorry to cute bar guy who is now cleaning up the glass. So it takes a bit of courage but i went straight over to him and said “look that guys cleaning up your glass, you didn’t even say sorry, it’s kind of rude” “ohh your right” he looks at the cute bar guy and tells him “entshuldigung” (german for sorry) Then he asks where im from and before i know it i am asking if the other guy is his twin.where he works. How was christmas. I even compliment his english.

He tells me his name is Fabian. Fabian the hot brad pitt rival is sitting with me. He is telling me how well i speak german and that im pretty. He really likes my stockings (which are black with a flower pattern). Everythings going perfect. He seems very interested in ME.

Until his not so good looking friend starts talking to Penny. Penny drags me to the toilet. She tells me that my brad pitt rival Fabian has a girlfriend who is apparently very nice and very pretty. “fuck, shit, cunt”

We go back to the funky sofa. So i come right out with it,

Me:you have a girlfriend ?

Bradpittrival: not exactly. I don’t know what it is. I really like her and she really likes me. But it’s weird because her dad is my boss so i don’t know. (does everyone date their bosses kid)

Me; do you love her ? do you live with her? do you talk to her everyday ?

BPR;no i don’t love her, i don’t live with her.

Not so good-looking friend interrupts and says they are all leaving to go to reeperbahn. He begins talking in german telling him don’t be stupid and go with them. BradPittRival tells him this girl is sweet maybe we are going to have sex or something don’t say anything to Line. (assume that’s his girlfriend)

I guess he thinks mine and Pennys german is not so good. He lied about the compliment when he said my german was good. He lied when he said he doesn’t know it’s his girlfriend.

 Penny tells me she’s hungry. We tell the boys including Bradpittrival we have to go. We go and eat kebabs.


FAILED–to meet a super hot guy interested in my personality but will keep trying.



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