My life as a 20-something yr old with a muffin top, who lives in a foreign country and has a thing for hot nerds.


So the weather is  miserable and  i am bored out of my brain,
i realised i hadn’t made any  attempt to chase up the  johnny depp

Usually i run straight to Rory for all things love.  It’s helpful to
have a bestfriend who know’s more about this stuff then oprah and doctor phil
put together. But due to the whole being on the other side of the world thing,
and time differences,i had to wing it myself.

I sent him
‘hey buddy, hows your aussie accent coming along’

he replied
‘it’s bloody great mate but a dingo ate my baby’

me: ‘yeah that happens to me all the time =)’

him: ‘now im starving to death, would you like to eat with me tonight’

me:’sure, how about at blockhouse’

him:’ sure i’l meet you at 7″‘

I think i did well, this counts as a date right ?
It was pretty easy!

When i got there he looked a little less Johnny depp then i remembered
infact it was more a kind of postman pat look he had going on.
But i figured i was hungry anyway and he might be a nice guy,
he was kind of funny.

We get inside the restaurant and he kindly reads the menu to me,
it is german, which i like to think i speak quiet well.
Also most things are written in english.
Cheeseburger, caesar salad, baked potato.

Awesome, thanks postman pat guy, i would have never
guessed baked potato meant baked potato.

The waitress kindly offers a vegetable platter to start with,
it’s pretty much just carrot’s with sour cream.
And he commits the unthinkable he begins double dipping.
It makes me stomach churn and he eats how i’d
imagine a monkey in the zoo to chow down a banana.

That plus the postman pat thing,
sadly this man is not the one to break my sex drought.

It began to get worse, when our main meal comes out
there was all kinds of sauces in little jugs that you
could pour on to your meat or in my case potato.

And this is when his double dipping becomes out of
control, not only does he not pour the sauce onto his meat.
He dips his chewed up steak into every single little jug.

He seems so serious and concerned when he asks if i don’t like sauce ?

Finally out the restaurant i’m glad to live just the next street over.
He offers to walk me home, but i told him it’s fine.
That’s when he kissed me. It was more like when a dog licks your tongue.
 ”We can continue this back at my place if you want” (how generous of him to as me”

“No thanks, i ummm have to do stuff bye” And i walked away.

I could never date a man who double dips.


Comments on: "my date with the double dipper" (1)

  1. portlandsfunnygirl said:

    Hey, sorry for not checking up in awhile. Hope your still writing! Sorry about Mr. Double Dipper…. but really? While yes, that was REALLY rude and you probably shoulda mentioned it early on, that way you could at least enjoyed the main courses, is double dipping really a deal breaker? Oh well, it doesn’t seem like he was a winner anyway. If he’s not even considerate to even ASK if you minded if he double dips, and proceeds to invite himself over for some nookie… yeah, you can do better hun. 🙂

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