My life as a 20-something yr old with a muffin top, who lives in a foreign country and has a thing for hot nerds.

Posts tagged ‘funny’

new years resolutions

So here i am making new years eve resolutions, I know it’s toxic. I have made alot of new years eve resolutions in the past. In fact I like making resolutions so much that i even make them randomly, for example “from monday be  a classy weekend drinker instead of morphing into a trashy girl who thinks she is hilarious” ( I picked up a guy a  few weeks ago by telling him my son’s name is cheese in german)(im an australian living in germany)(more about the guy later).

new years resolutions

1) start a blog. The world will see how ridiculously hilarious I am.
publishing companies will want me to write books.
I will become the next “insert name of popular blogger here”.
Or perhaps some other people will relate to my brutally honest thoughts about
men, muffin tops and cheap shoes.

2)get healthy. im not at the point of obese. I can see my own toes.
I only have one roll of fat on my stomach not a baker’s dozen.
(all be it more a loaf of fat then a roll) iv always been an
average size which I have no problem with, although it used to be.
I tried all those dumb diets, where you just drink water with lemon juice
or eat only soup or eat only green foods.
but iv been alive for 23 years now and i keep discovering more and more
delicious foods. (i am an australian who just moved to germany)(may have mentioned this already)
So im going to try this new thing which is pretty simple, il stop
eating when im no longer hungry.
I also sadly googled at 2am ways to become a runner.
what i found was some cool podcasts “couch to 5k” there’s a lot
of old people commenting saying how great it is to begin running at age
60/70/ even 80. Which makes me realise i am one of those people who
believe if she did it i can.

Surely i can right ?

I want to write a million other resolutions about how I won’t waste money on
unnecessary sparkly shoes, or cute hair clips. How i’ll stop leading on guys who
have girlfriends. Hell even that il shave my legs more often.
But for now i think i can just manage these two.